so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
