U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
