And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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