either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
