I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
