My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize