just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
