I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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