I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize