my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
