This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
