Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
