eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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