I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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