Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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