You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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