The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
