I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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