I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
