why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
