Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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