My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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