So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
