i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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