And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
