Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she told me i tasted like america
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize