If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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