Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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