The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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