This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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