I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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