Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
