I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize