I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
