I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
