just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize