Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
