I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
