My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
