we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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