Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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