you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize