she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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