He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
