I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
