Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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