Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
