I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
