Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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