i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
In America we eat man semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
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