he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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