so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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