woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
