My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
