When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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