I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
