Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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