I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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