i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
