I'm lost and stupid without you.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
