So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
