I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
