i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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