Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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