We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
