Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
