i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
