OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
