Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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