THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
