someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
