is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
