i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
