I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
